Tadaaa!
Hello all.. Well, those who know me knows that i like to write. Opened up this blog since i'll be having tonnes of free time here. and i thought that it'd be a waste if i dont tape down my whole experience here in Japan, my dreamland, somewhere. Ill be updating soon..

Take care people!


p/s: Purposely put this post on top for some reasons.


 

yeah yeah, i know, i've been lazy.. 3 months!
a lot happened within this period of time to put down in just 1 entry.. really tired to write at the moment but i feel bad for abandoning this blog, where i find peace outside the harsh reality. so just came for a bit and I promise, I'll update again soon.. very soon!

i leave u with this beautiful song for now.. i miss Tokyo, everythin n everyone there..


心の穴を埋めたいから　優しいフリして笑った
出会いと別れがせわしく　僕の肩を駆けて行くよ
because i wanted to bury the hole in my heart, i gave a gentle smile
the unpredictable meetings and farewells keep me going forward

ダメな自分が悔しいほど　わかってしまうから損だ
強くはなりきれないから　ただ目をつぶって耐えてた
i regret being so useless, its bad because i know it
as i can't become any stronger, i just endured on with my eyes closed

ほら　見えてくるよ
look, i can almost see it now

帰りたくなったよ　君が待つ街へ
大きく手を振ってくれたら　何度でも振り返すから
帰りたくなったよ　君が待つ家に
聞いて欲しい話があるよ　笑ってくれたら嬉しいな
i wanna go back to the town where u're waiting
because u waved at me with ur big hand, i could just keep going back
i wanna go back to the house where u're waiting
there are words i'd like u to hear, if u would just smile at me, i'll be happy..

たいせつなことは数えるほど　あるわけじゃないんだ　きっと
くじけてしまう日もあるけど　泣き出すことなんて　もうない
even as i recount the important events, it doesn't mean they're still there, surely
even though there are days i feel crushed, i no longer do something like shedding tears

ほら　見えてくるよ
look, i can almost see it now

伝えたくなったよ　僕が見る明日を
大丈夫だよってそう言うから　何度でも繰り返すから
伝えたくなったよ　変わらない夢を
聞いて欲しい話があるよ　うなずいてくれたら嬉しいな
i wanna tell u about the tomorrow that i see
because u said it'll be okay, i could just keep sayin it
i wanna tell u about my unchanged dreams
there are words i want u to hear.. if u would just give me a nod, i'll be happy..

帰りたくなったよ　君が待つ街へ
かけがえのないその手に今　もう一度伝えたいから
帰りたくなったよ　君が待つ家に
聞いて欲しい話があるよ　笑ってくれたら嬉しいな
i wanna go back to the town where u are waiting
in your irreplaceable hands now i want to say once again
i wanna go back to the house where u are waiting
there are words i want u to hear.. if u would just give me a smile, i'll be happy..

Hello.. how u all doin? hope everyone's good. congrates Ikin for the cute baby. and soon to be bride watie, hope all the preparations doin well. havent been writin for a while. didnt really have the mood to coz of all the worries in my head. hope they'll all go away soon. n hope u guys pray for that too =)

its spring here in Japan (still is?).. the weather's warm n the people, like sakura, came to be kind for a little while. a tad bit late but here are some pictures from all the hanami (sakura viewing) i went to.

Odaiba:








Toudai:



Ueno Koen:



Ark Hill, Roppongi:





Naka Meguro:



hope one of u is coming to visit me soon n go watch sakura together ~ =)

what u got if u aint got love, the kind that u just wanna give away.
know its hard on a rainy day, u wanna shut the world out n just be left alone. but dont run out on ur faith.

we all make mistakes in life. it's part of our entity as being human and our everyday learning experience. i for once had never thought of myself of bein anywhere near perfect. i've made mistakes, lotsa mistakes. trying to learn from them, its still inevitable to make just some more no matter how cautious u try to be. the real deal is to not be a victim of those mistakes but to pick urself up n keep on walkin forward.

its so easy to get lost inside, a problem that seems so big at the time.
while ure sittin around thinkin bout what u can change n worryin bout all the wrong things..
times flying by, moving so fast. u better make it count coz u cant get it back.

we're not God, we cant please everybody. we cant even please the chair we sit on everyday for exhausting it despite it's purpose to serve our lazy bum. we'll meet criticisms n judgements all along the way to our destination, no matter how hard we try to avoid it. it just depends on how u wanna take it n turn into somethin empowering n when it's plain nonsense, just shrug it off like dusts on ur shoulder. nobody else has more power to control ur life other than urself. ur life n u, are what u choose, not what others want u to be.

cos sometimes that mountain uve been climbin is just a grain of sand.
and what uve been out there searchin for forever, is in ur hands..

at the end of the day, whatever good or bad u do will be accounted to u, not ur friends who think u dont belong, ur family who says ur wasting too much time dreamin, the old man owning the grocery store next door who gossips the whole neighbourhood about u, the lady sitting across in the subway starin at how disgusting u look or just whoever who passes judgements on u.
u can only live as urself once, just this one time. after spreading a big map, trust ur intuition n draw ur, and only ur own way on it..

when u figure out that love is all that matters after all..
it sure makes everythin else.. seems so small..

baby, baby, but it won't be my tears tonite.
what do u think bout that?

The two hardest things to contemplate in life, are failure and age.. and those are one and the same. perfection is the natural consequence of eternity.. wait long enough, and anythin will realize its potential.. coal becomes diamonds, sand becomes pearls, apes become men. its simply not given to us, in 1 lifetime, to see those consummations, and so every failure becomes a reminder of death..

imma let u play my part, so u can feel a broken heart.. let me just talk, make sure that u call, so i can say it.

but love lost is a special kind of failure.. its a reminder that some consummations, no matte rhow devoutly wished for, never come.. that some apes will never be men, not in all the world ages.  whats a monkey to think, who with a typewriter and eternity still cant eke out Shakespeare?..

tonite ure gona call me a thousand times.. but tonite imma make up a thousand lies.
what do u feel about that baby?

to finally decide to make it final n that it's finished would stunt all his sense of possibility, and strip all the pearls and diamonds from his future..
he went out to the battlefield to see his movie,and he couldnt.. he couldnt, becoz now its their movie.. he cant listen to the music, becoz every song is sumthin they listened to and sang when they’r together.. it takes him an hour to get ready for anythin, becoz he feels like he's dazed half the time..

now u cant eat or sleep. n now ure in the house thinkin bout me. n now i do what u do to me.

he cant find his socks, he cant find his favourite green shirt.. friends always asking him, "are u ok, whats wrong?"
"nothin’s wrong.." he said.  "its better to love sumone who can love u back.."

tonite im goin out n aint comin back.

his heart ached all nite.

白い雪が溶けて街が鮮やかに彩られる頃も..
こうして君の事が大事で仕方ない私でいたい..

I saw my first snow today. god knows how happy i was to.. it lasted for like 3 hours..




ive always wanted to see it. just when i was about to give up hopin for snow this winter, it came. as i've always imagined, it smelled sweet, like cinnamon. while i stood still watchin how they came pouring down,  that scene appear as if emitting a glance of hope, i thought. it could either continue snowin till the grounds all silk-covered or it could stop, and those that came down would soon just melt by the heat of the earth.

like snow, in life there are gonna be times when u try with all ur might to gain somethin, and times when u feel lost and hopeless coz it seems unattainable. but is it better to not give up, hopin that it'll be urs one day? or should u just save urself all the frustrations and move on to something more tangible? one thing for sure is, if the snow stop pouring, it'll never know how beautiful it could light the city on..

should i give up or should i just keep chasin pavements, even if it leads nowhere?..
or would it be a waste even if i knew my place, should i leave it there?..

u must not know bout me, u must not know bout me..
i could have another u by tomorrow, so dont u ever for a second get to thinking, ure irreplaceable..

Went out to celebrate Kelly's birthday last 10th. it was a rushed event, my exam was near, couldnt have planned for a decent party but decided to do somethin for her last minute. as always, spending time with close friends are surely fun despite the agenda and i hope she enjoyed it well too.



wish upon a cake?



yeah u guess it, where..



that night i got to thinkin, why do we actually celebrate birthdays? the fact that we're gettin older? to show our gratitude to the power above for allowin us life this far? or is it just to excusably evaluate what has now been our personal one year history. irregardless of the answer, i know for a fact that we choose to spend it with people important to us, family, friends or lovers. as the candle's count grows bigger each year and our own number replaces itself with another, so do the people we chose to be around us.

friends and lovers come and go. its hard to figure out which one could stay forever. sometimes ure surprised by the fact that the one u think who wont, unexpectedly stand by you through the thick and thins and one u think who will, betrays you for just a slight mishappening. but isnt that what life's all about? full of surprises. one thing u know for certain is that ur ownself would never betray you. so instead of loving something that would presumably abandon u one day, why dont u learn to love urself more? why lose urself for something that unworthy? its bizarre to believe that u could fully trust somebody but what happens when it's overshadowed by infidelity?

yah, this one goes to u. i hope that u'll pick urself up one day and see the light. realize whats important in ur life. when he could easily replace u anyday for anyone, u know u shouldnt waste ur time. Its not easy to find one who thinks ure irreplaceable, but when u do, thats the one worth givin all ur life for..

Im done, im done, im done.. so done, im done, im done.. im free, im free, free to be me..
he inhaled an air he'd never breathed before.. the air of no drama no more..





Went out to meet Jonathan today. we had meals n a lil talk. i couldnt remember the last time the 2 of us sat down for a decent conversation. after he got attached n i got busy preparin for the exam, we rarely meet except for some gatherings.
He's one of the people here that makes me feel at home, that im not the only one feelin small in this big city, everytime he walks on by. We updated each other on whats been happening in our world lately.

He's always been a wake up call for me, constantly reminding what ive been missing out and why im living life the way i am. and today he did the same. with just a few words, he gave the answer to the puzzle thats been botherin my mind as of late. im always amazed at how his point of views would always kill my pretencious faith, a dud awaiting reality hit.
normally, this would be the time that i would talk anyone else out of shaking my stubborn beliefs. but this time, without even a shrug, i looked away, my heart unwillingly admitting the obvious truth spoken.

He's leavin tomorrow, back to France. The whole walk back to the train station, i tried to picture the possibility of meeting again in distant future. i know i'd definitely miss his one of a kind existence. as we hugged each other n bid goodbye, he kindfully whispered one last time..

"Dont settle for somethin less, Noel.. u deserve to get what u've always wanted.."

as he walked off to a different afar, i headed back into mine. for the rest of the day, those words keep clinging in my mind.
"maybe he's right wrong this time.." or so i thought..

Mark got married last 31st January. I wasnt able to attend the wedding because I had to go to Nara but I managed to come for the after party. It was a beautiful event and i could only imagine how much more beautiful it was during the wedding itself. The bride was gorgeous, the groom's dashing as ever (ermmm..), the people and place were awesome and most importantly there were lotsa food! Mark had been planning the wedding for so long and it was a joy to see how it all went off well n to be a part of it.



Thats the man, and his wife,  Syuko..



Those are the smiles from the heart.



Our polaroid at the entrance. Ming and Kelly.



Mervyn and Ernie. No thats not how she usually looks like.



Oooh, i like this picture! Ming and Kelly..



Taking time off from emceeing. Aki, Ming, Kazu, and Psyochotic-Kelly..



Mervｙn and Melvｙn, copycats of Mark.　＝ｐ



with cute Ernie. doesnt she pass for my daughter? hi 5! XD



Lol whats with the stoned eyes, u people. Mervyn, Ming and Melvyn



Marks' mom and sister, Sue.



Ming and Yuuta. No hes not that big, just a step forward XD



Eveer ever after.. Finally a snap with the newlywed. Ming, Syuko, Mark, Kelly..

I couldnt help but felt so touched the whole night. the idea of two souls, finding each other in the midst of this harsh world and decide to spend the rest of their life together. "Will there be a day when i'd experience that?" or so, i thought..
Mark moved out of the lodge, and Im here all alone again =( well, at least he has someone who'll take care of him well now, and a better house!

Thanks for inviting again (though when we just knew each other u were hardly planning to haha) Glad to be part of the makings. I wish both Mark and Syuko all the love and happiness in the world and may u two embrace all the strength and kindness taught of each other throughout the next chapter of your life. Congratulations =)

Went out with Kelly, Khai and Jonathan n his friends for the New Year celebration. Nothin big, just went to the countdown party near Tokyo Tower. The crowd was mind blogging, once we got into the shrine we couldnt even move, not even a step to the side. we had to just stand still until midnight. people wrote their wishes in a piece of paper and put it inside a balloon, that they released to the sky when the clock ticked to midnight.



Went for dinner in Akihabara first, coz Kely wanted to get an iPod.



and we couldnt let the year goes by without singing our life ending it.





Khai n Kelly happy as long as they could get into a frame.



A year passed by with a blink of an eye. It feels like i've only reached here 3 months ago. Looking back, i wonder whether if i've accomplished a lot, whether if i've grown a lot, or whether if im still the person i was a year ago. as much as some things still left untouched, a lot has changed too. i realized im not who i used to be. things are not how they used to be. whether or not its a good thing, ive yet to find out but tryina keep a positive mind, i could only hope its for the best. u cant gain a thing without losing another. thats just how life works, i figured..

Finally my exam's over! Yeahhh i feel so good, apart from havin doubts bout what the result might be, im just so relieved. feels like big loads of bricks were just unloaded off my shoulder. for the past few months i couldnt really do anythin or plan for anythin big because this whole exam thing occupied most of the spaces in my brain. right after it was over though, i didnt know what to do, it was like hoo, the exams over so what am i suppose to do now already? coz i didnt plan for anythin after that. anyway, whatever, im just so happy now!

anyway, enough with the bla blas, this is no funeral. ill get on to the past few events counting wayyyy back to last year haha.
First, Christmas Day. Christmas here is a season for lovers. even more significant than Valentine's, I would say? I feel so lonely seeing couples holding hands walking n laughing all around town. well, not like this is the first time, but having these kinda feelings come around everytime is indeed a lil painful. i went out with Kelly and Daniel to watch the illumination in Shinjuku..



First went for syabu syabu dinner. del.i.cious of course!





Daniel acting catty and Kelly kitty.





Needless to say, the scene was beautiful enough to build up that sentimental feeling between lovers. but for those who're not, like us, we just felt like going Dragonball all over the place lol.  it was a good night. somewhere around the city, two people will lock eyes and a new chapter begins in their life. thinkin of the chances makes u realize how beautiful life is..

Guysssssssssssssssssssssss! finallyyyyyyyyy the time's here. i'll be sitting for my long awaited exam tomorrow! im not sure if im fully prepared or confident but I'll try my best! please pray for me!!!

p/s:miss writing here, ill be updating heaps after. miss u allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!

This just made my day! Lol!!!!!!!

Didn't have the motivation to update the past few months. since it's a new year and i cant seem to concentrate studyin today, might as well do it i thought. here's some pictures from random events last 2 months..

first, from a boat ride trip in Ueno Koen with Junya, my language partner who's fast become more like a friend. owh, dont ask why we went for a boat ride, just the two of us. it was his idea and i suppose its nothing strange here in Japan? lol i dont know. anyway it was nice, if i remember correctly, that was the first time i paddled a boat? not as easy as it seems to the eye but ull get the drill instantly :S



that's Junya trying to show how manly he is to the girls on the boat near us.. too bad they didnt seem impressed haha.
 
then some pictures from when i went to visit Khai in Yokohama. beautiful place, fit for those in love. obviously me n Khai aren't. just happened that he lives there n i came visiting duhh =.=" had dinner with Khai and his friend and the girlfriend and then went around. sorry im not good with names...



that uber famous ferris wheel in Sakuragijo or however its spelled in english..





we were hiding from the other two so was a little dark XD

then i went boat riding again with Khai and Jonathan and some other friends. 



cooked some food at home and had a picnic at Inokashira Koen.



Jonathan was tryina take away my chicken!



It was tooo cold that we went to warm up in a cafe first before the boat ride.

and so it was time for the boat race! Jonathan was envious of all the couples riding boats and wanted to make a scene himself. haha, i think all the people around was like ................... what are these 2 guys doing riding a boat n acting all lovey dovey =.=""







and he kept on standin up n movin around the boat as if it was a basketball court! i was so worried it was gonna flip around especially coz u dont wanna imagine how cold the water was. ok thats all for now. sorry coz i dont have pictures of the otherss, gomen!

and errrr, sorry if the posts are a lil lackluster. i miss u guys, cant wait to go home after my exam. till then, take care aight!

yucks, lame title. i agree, but what else should i say? being straight to the point, that has got to be the new year's resolution. anyway just some pictures from the autumn scene here. a little late i know, but better than never right.



the pond in my school. we were having lunch there coz the weather was good for that.



on the way back to the lodge, in school too..



all the fallen leaves n naked trunks..

i didnt go to anywhere special this autumn, particularly coz my mind's occupied with the thought that ive to study for the exam that i cant think of anything else big.  yah, going out of my house is a big thing, let alone out of Tokyo!

owh by the way..



yeah, Britney Spears's Circus. good stuff and i like it. dont ever think of bitching me over it :P personally i prefer Blackout coz its was a masterpiece but anyway she seems more engaged in this record although the tune isnt as dark n edgy as Blackout. go get it, people! XD

and yea.. Happy New Year to everybody.. hope u all had a blast.

Wooooooooot it feels like forever since i last posted! how are u all my dear? Miss me? (i know u do). Well i miss u guys lots too. havent been contacting thru mails either, so sorrie! but that doesnt mean i didnt have u all in mind right. As Ayu once said, "There's not a day i've to remember u, coz i've never forgotten u.." hahahehehaheho XD I hope everybody's doin good there. Its Raya Haji on monday right? so takin this opportunity to wish those who celebrate it "Selamat Hari Raya Korban!" no rendang or ketupat for me this time coz ive to go to school, blah XD

and before i forget, Congratulations to Watie for her engagement. Hope it will go all the way to well, bein called 'grandma' one day. Wish u n ASM all the happiness in the world. Here's the girl who's always been there for me listenin to whatever craps i always had to spit out n supporting me mentally n spiritually, stickin thru thin n thick no matter what. If there's always a girl behind a man's success, she's definitely one behind mine. Im of course more than happy to know that a marriage is on the way for her but at the same time a little sad knowin that soon she's officially sumone's n that we wont have as much time to hang out like we used to.

Im sure u'll be gettin tonnes of more memorable times in future, but i hope u wont forget the ones we've all made in the past.













Most importantly, dont forget our favorite after-work hangout spot in MJ :_) Listen carefully coz it's gonna be the first n the last time i'd say such thing. As much as how it always seems like i dont care, ure the best Rabbit in the world!

1. hard time in school
2. headaches everyday
3. nowhere to be found arm bracelet
4. bad toothache
5. opening to dirty windows
6. yah, now u're gone
7. lost. where am i goin again?

i miss home.

My friend did this. Yeah, i wish posh would dump Bechkam and marry me too. i could definitely make a better husband!



And i cant wait to move out and get me some cats. I feel dead without em.

The second day of Raya, me n Mark went for a drive. He'd just finished his exam and wanted to go somewhere to relax. Nobody else was free so it was just the two of us. We rented a car and planned for Hakone and Kamakura.



It isnt hard to drive here because all the cars are equipped with GPS system so u supposedly dont have to worry of getting lost. Well anyway, we got lost for like 40mins? in Shinjuku!? the stupid GPS gave dumb instructions n made us go round n round = = anyway we reached our destinations fine. a little later but it was fine XD



The onsen we went to. No pictures inside sorry, well who would bring a camera into a public bath. what are u, shooting a porn video? = ="



A river along the way. Or was that a big drain?



I like this picture very much. Not because of that subject in front. That scene, was beautiful =)
The time spent driving to Hakone and in the onsen was so worth it. It was so relaxing, refreshing, rejuvenating. I just felt like i didnt wanna leave that onsen. The fresh air, the serene surrounding, ahh i could just die there n go to heaven.

We then head to Kamakura but on the way we were driving alongside the beach in Yokohama, it was soo beautiful we just had to stop.



One of the deck at the bay. It felt soooo gooooood to sit there and just enjoy the sea breeze.



That's a building. cant u tell? of something..errr Mark told me the name but i forgot. i know, im ignorant.
Well we then head to Kamakura, it was already dark so couldn't take any pictures. Well Mark brought his camera but it died after like 3 snaps? yeah, smart right? haha. so i just had to take the pictures using my phone. So now all the mysteries are answered right. Why there's only him in the photos. haha!

Anyway the drive was worth it. although we overspent for some stupid stuff, at the end of the day we were satisfied. It was nice seeing Japan through the window of a car for a change. Definitely gonna go for more in future. Till then.